I am 23 years old now I have made some mistakes in my life, I have already dropped out of college once. I have gambled here and there since I was 18 just for fun never really lost anyhting significant. I am enrolled in college again in a different program the semester was for months I attended for the first 2 months then started skipping class and wound up at the casino. the first 2 days I gambled I won over 00 playing blackjack, so that started a negative cycle I have been at the casino almost everyday when my family, friends, girlfriend etc. all think I am in class. I play poker and blackjack and was in a lot of debt before I started gambling and since then in about a month I feel like my life has been spiralling out of control, I have racked up over 6 grand in debt I have stupidly taken out payday loans form 2 different companies when I dont even have a job, I thought I could get winnings to pay them back but now I am over a month behind on the loans, they call me everyday I have been stringing them along with more and more lies. It seems like everyday I go to the casino now, I lose every penny I have. I leave cash at home on purpose, but I end up driving home, getting it, then losing it all again. I have completely stopped attending classes for a about a month and a half theres no chance I can move on or graduate from this program without re-taking the semester. I dont really want to be in this program anyways. I am supposed to start a summer job next monday at a job closely related to my schooling, If they didnt talk to my school (who got me the job) and think I am still attending I could probably squeeze by for the summer and do the job, but I feel like I am lying to them and myself If I try to work. but then next semester starting in september I will have nothing to do, I wont be able to attend school, the jiig will be up. I am drowning in debt up to my ears, I live day-to-day lying to everyone around me making up stories about homework and exams etc. when really I dont know anything thats going on at that school I just fake it. theres only one teacher of my program he hates me and im sure he assumed I dropped out. I just want to tell my parents and my girlfriend the whole truth and just start over in life you know? I have awesome parents who give me everything I ever need and im sure will help me out, but I fear they will be extremely agry with me at first because they payed over 00 for my school, they think they are getting me a better life, when in reality I am in the worst hole I have ever been in. I feel like a pathetic loser, so spioled, like I have wasted so much of my parents time and money, I feel very alone and isolated, like nobody will ever understand me if I tell them the truth. I am very depressed, I am a tad overweight I am always tired, I dont even have enough energy to go gamble anymore. I stay up till 6 am every night because I am so stressed I get up in the morning I am usually the last one to leave my house in the morning so I just get up and pretend to get ready then when everbody leaves I just go back to bed till 2 pm I feel like such a waste of life. I just want to rest in a hospital for a few days or go to a hotel for a week just to sleep and collect my thoughts, sometimes I fantasize about getting sent to jail or commiting a crime just so the truth can come out. I am considering leaving my parents a letter explaining everything then going to a hotel for a little while a few days or a week, letting them cool off some steam, then when I return, they will be ready and willing to help me….does this sound like a good idea? also I am having thoughts of maybe becoming a firefighter they are not accepting applications till next year which kind of works out perfectly for me cause I could work for a year to pay off my debts, then work out as well and get into shape, then start a new life as a firefighter trainee……..I dont know what do you think? how angry do you think my parents would be? is it better to come back to them with a solid plan for my life….please I need suggestions what do you think I should do…..the stress is weighing on me I feel very alone
Thanks

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