When in a serious relationship with someone(someone you are planning to marry), it is important to be honest and who you are and things you did in your past…so which of the following embarrassing/shameful things are vital to tell your significant other? Also, which of the following things are not necessary to reveal, and are probably better off kept quiet?

(note: all of these things do not apply to any one specific person)

- having over 100 past sex partners during the "young-n-stupid" party years (but have since settled down and become a lot more conservative…and have been STD free)

- still being a virgin at 28 yrs old (but looking to lose the virginity ASAP!!)

- having had a biopsy to remove pre-cancerous cells resulting from HPV

- having genital herpes (despite being on antiviral meds and not having had a breakout in almost a year)

- although you are 100% STD free, in the past you’d slept with an individual who was HIV+ (but you luckily didn’t catch it, according to recent blood tests)

- having had an abortion when you were younger, at age 23

- having been homeless (i.e., sleeping on subway trains or public libraries) for several months during a period when you were unemployed due to no fault of your own (but due to homeless discrimination you’d received, you’re very ashamed about this)

- having worked as a stripper temporarily because you were broke, homeless(see above example), and desperately needed to get yourself stabilized

- the "real" reason your best friend died was because of a drug overdose (meanwhile, you are radically against doing drugs and you don’t want any "guilt by association")

- although you have accomplishments + make enough money to pay all your bills on time, your income isn’t as high as your sig. other thinks it is (i.e., he thinks you make K a year when you only make K)

- in the past, you had depression or other mental health problems that required counseling/meds/etc but you’re okay now

- you quit smoking, but every now and then you still sneak the occasional cigarette when your sig. other isn’t around

- you weren’t able to walk in your high school graduation ceremony because you’d failed a class (but were able to get your diploma later that summer after you retook the class during summer school)

- you weren’t able to walk in your college graduation ceremony because — although you’d completed all required courses — you owed tuition money to the college that you couldn’t afford + didn’t qualify for enough financial aide (but you paid off the owed tuition over time and have since received the diploma you earned)

- in the past, you had bad credit problems due to poor money judgment and overzealous spending — but your credit’s good now

- in the past, you had bad credit problems due to someone taking advantage of you — e.g., a roommate not paying his/her share of the rent on a contract and leaving you to pay an amount you can’t afford on your own, or being taken advantage of by a conartist scheme — but your credit’s good now

- you have a criminal record due to some stupid stuff done when you were younger (e.g., DUI)

Which stuff is vital to tell? Also, which stuff is best to "let sleeping dogs lie"?
Stacey, thanks for taking the time to respond. To clarify a few things:

- the mental health problems in question would be things that no longer affect the person today, kinda like the ones you experienced. Okay I read the part where you say that you do not mention it since it doesn’t affect you today…okay gotcha.

- As for the "slept with HIV" part, let’s say the person has already been tested clean multiple times since the HIV exposure, so the person has already been declared "clean"(and very very lucky!).

- As for the income, let’s say the person lied about the money she made at the job she initially had when she first started dating her sig. other…but she’s no longer employed there. (i.e., it’s a thing of the past)

One last thing — do you think a person must tell her partner if she is a "former fatty", i.e. someone that was obese years before meeting current partner, but has since lost a lot of weight and looks much better now??
Sorry, I have just one more question:

- You said that it is vital to mention a criminal record. But what if the person’s criminal record has since been expunged? For example, some states have a special program where they expunge/erase nonviolent misdemeanor charges(e.g., DUI) for first time offenders that had previously clean arrest records. And suppose the person has a clean(expunged) record now, but isn’t as far along in his/her career as a result of having had the criminal record for a year or two in the past prior to the expungement?